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Pamela Koh
AGE: 18
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Man Ling

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the past

July 2008

While waiting for Man Ling at the Ngee Ann’s bus stop near the student plaza, my thoughts starts to wonder. Since we have completed all the necessary projects we were supposed to do, I was wondering what we are going to be doing today for LMS. Soon after I was in deep thoughts, Man Ling arrived and I lost my trial of thoughts. On our way to class, we met our tutor at the elevator and we went up together. As we get seated down in class, tutor told us that today we will be doing something really interesting. She also added that it was essential that all of our group members have to be present. When majority of our classmates are present, she said: “Class, today we will be doing fear factor.” There was suddenly a loud commotion. She then listed out 3 criteria that each individual group has do. Not only that, we are given a limit of 40 minutes. The first one is that we have to approach a stranger, ask for him or her name and on the spot, sing a happy birthday song. The second criterion is that we have to approach another person and ask for his or her mobile number. This means that guys have to approach girls while girls have to approach guys. The third criterion is that we have to do something unique that captures every ones attention. All the three criteria mention above have to be videoed down. The main purpose was to capture people’s facial expression. The third criteria we decided to it as a class. We have decided to do a spoof from a Japanese video we saw over the internet. We were unsuccessful at sometimes. Until finally, at the eleventh hour, we have succeeded! Initially I felt rather silly doing it because at the place we were doing was in between block 72 and the convention centre. At the same time, it feels rather awkward that a group of us are just standing there, waiting for a person or two to walk by so that we can start our little “experiment”. Realizing that we actually spent too long on the third criteria, we went on quickly to complete the rest. Since we were near to canteen 1, we approached a girl, asked for a name and then we started singing the happy birthday some at the top of our voice while Yi Mei videoed the whole process. It was embarrassing for that moment as we had invited a lot of stares! For the second criteria, I was shy at first as we had to ask someone of the opposite sex for their mobile number. However, thinking of the time ticking away, I pluck up my courage and approach a guy and asked for his number. The guy was shocked at first but in the end he still gave. After he gave me his number, I explain to him my reasons for doing so as so as not to give him false hope. We ended LMS that day filled with lots of fun, joy and laughter. I cannot wait for the next LMS lesson where I heard from our tutor that it is going to be twice as interesting as today.

[[My Personal Definition of Success]]

Personally, I feel that success is social stratification. Social stratification refers to the way in which people are placed with society. It is associated with the ability of individuals to live up to some set of ideals or principles regarded as important by the society or some social group within it. Success is also achievement of a goal or objective. A desire or an intention becomes a goal if and only activates an action for achieving it.
My own goals in life a relatively simple. That is to achieve a GPA of more then 3.5 in year 3. For dance sports, I want to have gone for at least 6 competitions and have brought back a minimum of 4 trophies. For ambassadors, I want to be able to help Ngee Ann to the fullest since we are the front lines of Ngee Ann. Although BA society is only for the year of 2008, I will still give my fullest to ensure that I have participated 80% of its activities. For the next 10 years, I will want to go on at least 3 overseas trip with the school before i graduate from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. I will pursue accountancy either in the local university or overseas university to obtain a degree. I would like others to remember me for my determination, cheerfulness and discipline that I have. "Today" I am different from 5 years before because I have grown up. Not just physically grow up but mentally as well. I get to look at things at a bigger picture. 10 years is a long way to go and there are some obstacles that I'm bound to encounter. Interviews and rejections to me, are the main obstacles that I will encounter in life. In order to overcome these obstacles, I have to face them head on as they will be at every phrase of my life. Since now that I am the schools Ambassador, when presenting in class I do not feel as nervous as before. However, when the class or crows becomes too big, I will start to feel the tension and stammer when I speak. Therefore, I still need to train myself to overcome this obstacle. I want to get a stable career with a save income by the time I reach 27. Marriage is not important now until I am sure that I have a stable family income and both my spouse and I are able to take care of our parents welfare. If I am financially stable, I would not mind having at least 3 to 4 children. I love children. They are the joy of the family especially when you see them running all over the house. Even the thought of it makes me smile.


What must be present for me to be proud and consider myself successful in the following areas?

Family: Mutual understanding between me and my family. To be able to support my family for the basic needs such as water, money, food, clothing's, etc.

Career: To reach the top of a top accounting firm without backstabbing my colleagues or using sinful ways. I want to reach the top base on my own abilities and not through connections although I know that connections do come in handy.

Health: Well, this would be simple. To be still moving and disease free by the time I reach 70.

Love: To always love and to be loved by my future spouse and family. And love which is given unconditionally.

Money: It is not very important but sufficient to suppose the basic need of the family and my children's' education.

Others: Friendship that is filled with love and are with friends that are my root of joy. They are my end of sorrow and the name of hope. Most importantly, they have the door of understanding.

[[Key to success ---Passion---]]

i. What’s Your Passion?
Think about these questions in deciding your passions.

Passion is a door that leads to success. In order to success, I will need passion. My passion is towards dance. I feel alive when dancing just by listening to the music just by grooving and moving along with the beat. I have never felt this kind of feeling before. Before I was into dance, all I did was dive into my study day and night feeling miserable thinking that the world is such a boring place. However, once I started joining dance in primary 5, I could not stop. It was a addiction. The same theory as taking drugs, once tried, there is no stopping. Even up until now, I am still dancing. Dance has become part of my life. Without it, it felt as if I am lacking of oxygen.

ii. Identify Your Talents
You have done a personal inventory in the early part of the module. Identify your strengths or talents below:

Three words that best describe me is loving, caring and compassion. People admire me for my care towards other. I render a listening ear as though it is a second nature to me. I stand by my friends in times of trouble and prevent the minds from wondering off. I have my own sense of humor and I observe people to understand more about their character. I have the drive to achieve what are my needs and wants in life. Because if the drive I have to achieve what my wants and needs are, it will motivate me to take actions to dance to my hearts content.

iii. Your Passion-Driven Vision
Align your vision for your life with your passion, values and talents.

1. What would you love to do?
I love to dance. It has become a second life in me. Without dance felt as if there is no air to breath.

2. What are you capable of doing now?
I am capable to helping other who are mentally unsound and who are physically handicapped. As well as to share m y love through dancing.

3. What are your talents/ strengths? What makes you unique?
My drive for dance and obtaining my needs and wants.

4. What do you want most out of life?
I want the love of my life to be happy. My career to be stable and healthy family members.

YOUR VISION

Now write your vision:

I will sharing joy through dancing (state what you want to do and is capable of doing), using my ability to communicate though dance moments (state your talents/ strengths, uniqueness), and in so doing achieve happiness and contentment as well as to bring joy into other people's life. (state your life’s purpose or what you want most in life).

Managing Fear

Personally, I feel that in every human being there should be a balance in negative emotions and positive emotions just like how the yin and the yang works. I do admit that majority of the population in the world do have negative thoughts about themselves. I personally feel that doing this topic I have benefited, learn and understand how a human actually behaves or react when they are too deeply engaged with their negative emotions. At some point of life, I fear that I have let my parents down. I feel that after doing so much for us, we children should also do equally as much for them by being successful in life. I fear the disappointment I will cause to my parents. The thought of their disappointment makes my hair stand. My friends has been telling me that I tend to be paranoid. I will cause fear within myself and stat to think of all the possible outcomes for a particular situation. However, in LMS, I have learnt how to apply managing fear skills to overcome my paranoid personality. At the same time, I learn of ways to help them so that they will not hurt themselves or others. Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. Fear should be distinguished from anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. For the eight points stated below, I agree that they are true.

1. Fear is part of growing up.
2. Fear is accompanied by physical symptoms.
3. Freedom from fear is possible.
4. Courage is the absence of fear.
5. Fear is bad for you.
6. Fear consumes your energy.
7. Overcoming fear boosts self confidence.
8. Fear can be exaggerated.



2. Identify the triggers of your fear
Think about the triggers of your fear. It could be a situation, a feeling, or a person, who sets off the fear.

My fears for public speaking trigger happens which I start to see people laughing. I would tend to think that it is directed at me which causes me to panic and forget what I am suppose to say.

When I see other laughing (trigger), I am afraid of my speech being too boring or pointless(fear).

3. Be aware of your fear-driven responses

i. Physical Signs of Fear
Write down the physical signs of your fear. You may use the list below to help you.

Firstly, I will have a blank mind and I start to stammer non-stop. My hands start to shiver and my mind starts to think of negative outcomes. My heart pounds rapidly. I could not breathe properly. My head feels like it is going to explode. I feel dizzy or nauseous. My stomach feels like it’s churning. I have no appetite. I stutter, stammer, or my voice shakes. I feel cold. My body does not respond – freezes.

Managing Conflict

There are actually different types of conflict and relationship conflict is the major conflict that I have problem handling it. I feel that there are no such things such as conflict. In every one’s life, there is bound to have one or two conflict that cannot be avoided. A relationship with conflict may not be considered unhealthy. Conflicts can be productive, creating deeper understanding, closeness and respect or on the other hand, they can be destructive, causing resentment, hostility and divorce. I was in a relationship before. The other party and I did not have any single conflict. I thought that we would be long together. I always avoid or deny the existence of a conflict. I will just brush it off and think that he will change and this kind of situation would not occur again. I prefer to give in rather than struggle through the conflict. I never discuss my problems I am feeling with the other party because I'm afraid. Some may think that I am very silly on why should I be feeling afraid. That is because I'm afraid of hurting the other party. I feel that I would rather suffer alone than cause him to feel hurt.
Another kind of relationship conflict I have issues with are with my parents. I'm now 17 going 18 and I feel that my parents are still treating me as if I'm a 5 year old child but I know they are just protecting me for harm. I remember this incident clearly which has happened when I was 14. Normally people says that between the age of 13 to 15, adolescences tend to be very rebellious, getting themselves into constant danger such as gang fights, smoking, drugs, etc. Well as for me, I was very rebellious. I never listen to my parents always quarrel with them over small matters especially over my academic results. There was once I came home late and I have forgotten to inform my parents about my whereabouts. When I reached home, they started shouting and screaming at me telling how irresponsible I am. At the moment of anger they said that they wish that they I was like my brother. It struck me hard in my heart. It hurts. I am their daughter. I should be special in my own perspevtive and now repeatively compared with my brother. By that time it was ten minutes pass 9. I started thinking why are they treating me like this, how could they say such mean words to me. Only then, I realised of my pass doing which resulted them in being so controlling over me. They were doing their duties as parents in guiding and leading me from dwelling into the wrong companies. Come to think of it, this conflict with my parents has help me understand myself better as a person. I was just seeking attention from anyone be it my friends, family or grandparents. I know what triggers my anger and what is do be done to overcome it. Now, I amd aware of how to act in a conflict, the views, values, and interests I have articulate in a conflict, has help me learn a great deal about myself. My parents relationship and I has been deepen and enriched by making us more aware of our issues that are occuring. Many conflicts I have with my parents have been resolved. This has enabled us to take into account the other person’s views and values. This has enhancing mutual understanding between my parents and I.

There are five conflict management styles. They are the turtle, the sharks, the teddy bear, the fox and the owls.

Avoiding (The Turtle)
If you act like a turtle, you avoid or withdraw from a conflict or the other person. You give up your personal goals and relationships. Turtles feel helpless in a conflict and believe it is easier to withdraw (physically and psychologically) from a conflict than to face it. Withdrawing from a conflict over an important issue with a friend can be destructive.

Competing (The Shark)
If you act like a shark, your goals are highly important and relationships are less of a priority. You seek to achieve your goals at all costs, forcing others into submission and not caring if they like or accept you. Sharks often try to win by attacking, overpowering, overwhelming, and intimidating others. If this style is used with friends, the relationships will be affected.

Accommodating (The Teddy Bear)
Teddy bears value harmony and want to be accepted or liked by others. To teddy bears, relationships are of great importance while their own goals are of little importance. They will give up their goals and let the other person achieve his or hers.

Compromising (The Fox)
Foxes seek a compromise or middle ground when it appears that both parties cannot get what they want. They will sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to reach an agreement. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something. Foxes are moderately concerned with their own goals and their relationships with others.

Collaborating (The Owls)
When your goals and relationships are highly important to you, you want to act like an owl. You will negotiate to seek solutions that satisfy your goals and those of the other person so that a high-quality relationship can be maintained. Owls see conflict as a means of improving relationships by reducing tension between two persons. They are not satisfied until the tensions and negative feelings have been fully resolved.


Step 1: Know yourself and focus on what is most important to you. Identify the best outcome you hope to attain, your goal, and the minimum acceptable outcome you’ll accept. What will the result look like? How does it relate to my bottom line? How will it make me feel? Would the solution bring you closer to other person?

Step 2: Probe for others’ needs. Don’t assume what the other person wants. Take time to validate your assumptions before acting on them. Give allowance for the other’s lack of self-awareness. Use it to anticipate trouble and skirt it. Anticipate how he reacts to your actions when you meet him to resolve the conflict. Speak in a manner that the other person feels comfortable to you. Look for sources of fear and anger.

Step 3: Invest time to build trust. Show that you are really listening. Acknowledge differences and seek suggestions on how to move towards a mutually agreeable solution. Spend more time to get to know him. Practise smiling and watch your body language. Ask important question and for advise so as to find out exactly WHAT HE WANTS, HOW HE FEELS. LISTEN to show respect and that he is being heard. Control your negative emotions.

Step 4: Address the other person’s interest first. If you have ideas that are close to his ideas, desires and value, spell them out clearly. Explain the benefits to him; demonstrate how they relate to your benefits. Begin with positive points, move on to negative news and end on a positive note. Providing more options will help you to move towards agreement. Stay flexible. Don’t argue if you are not prepared. Acknowledge but need not agree.

14 weeks have passed and the journey taken in Life Management Skills (LMS) classes was remarkable! It was simply amazing. Although it was just another IS module in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, I have learnt the essential of life and the meaning of it. In the past, I use to think that knowing about life is meaningless and it is not related to me. However, after these 14 weeks, it has change my thought about my life and how I'm living it. I feel that it has taught me the essence of living life to the fullest and how I can mange my life well.



For enhancing Self-Awareness and Self-Esteem, I feel that this module has benefited me a lot in one way or another. I originally have low self esteem, low self confidence and I tend to withdraw away from crowds because I like being alone. I still remember when I was primary six; I had no idea why I was stressed out. I just felt that whatever I’m learning do not get absorbed into my head. At that time I had difficulty talking to my mother; I feel that she does not understand me well. I never felt love from my mother at that time although she claim that she loves me. All she does is to give me mountains of homework and when I never finish them, she reprimands me. Thus, my only way to dis-stress is to write all my thoughts and feelings in a diary and secretly pray for help. As we all know, sometimes when we are in primary six, we have to keep, write about what we feel in a diary and hand it up to our teacher. At that point of time, I thought it was a little redundant. But come to think of it now, I glad it came in handy. I went into deep depression, and I was anorexic. I wrote all my negative feelings in the diary to vent my frustration somewhere else. Luckily, my knight in shining armor came to my rescue, who happens to be my teacher who marks our class dairies, talked to me made me understand and see more positive things about myself instead of concentrating on negative thoughts. Although I still do ask myself, who am, I still want to find out my real identity but I’m still facing difficulty doing so. I would say that LMS had helped me in my overall thinking. For the past 6 to 7 weeks before our e-learning, common test and vacation week, I learn to manage my anger and time well. Most importantly, I found “pieces of me” that I have lost for the past few years of my life. While learning about self esteem and self confidence, I actually realized that having high self esteem leads to high self confidence as well. I have confidence in saying I have higher self esteem now compared to the past. Now that I have self-awareness and healthy self-esteem, I'm are able to value myselfs as unique individuals of worth, take actions for self-improvement, and cope better with setbacks. My relationship skills has be enhanced as I'm are able to communicate more effectively with others and be more open to others.

When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation -- it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams.

Author: Les Brown